Here are the three stereotypes I have encountered in my lifetime, and yes, they have been proven time and time again. They sum up why I will die a bitter old hag living in a house with Jenn and lots of cats.

Charlie Harper – He never cries, he has no feelings and enjoys being de-manned by his mother. He would like to get you in the sack and then just take a nap. He often has a maid, is an alcoholic, and has a fake job. You hate him and so do your parents. His own mother hates him, too. You like him because he is unattainable, but after a while, you just want to kick him in the face. He’s a predator and charming in kind of a rapey underhanded way.

Allen Harper – He whines, he cries, no matter what. If you are nice to him, he cries, if you are mean to him, guess what? He cries. He kisses your ass, treads lightly and will pay you high amounts of alimony and not bitch about it. He sucks and is annoying and you will want to kill yourself for that alimony. To boot, he’s stupid looking and you can’t understand why you ever hooked up with him. The sweet and sensitive thing got you in the beginning, but it gets old quick.

And the half a man type – He plays video games, eats, and is as dumb as a rock. He’s kinda cute, but it doesn’t matter, because inside, he’s an empty shell. Light never dawns on “Marble head”. He’s half retarded and lives with his mother. He never has anything meaningful to say and can never explain himself. He farts and wears mismatched socks. He probably smokes pot often as well and you want to punch him in the face with his game controller.

Shall I go on? No, I won’t, more later….you guys suck! Have a nice day. Oh, Johnny Depp is probably the only one that is worth dealing with.